Do you think marriage is still needed in today's society?

Marriage may only be needed in today’s society, but for practical reasons. People, who are married often get into this whole messy life situation, where they have no alternatives, or so they think, but to stay married. Often finances dictate that people stay together, especially if there are children involved, and both husband and wife can somehow manage being together without driving each other nuts. I somehow don’t know many examples of people, who are happy in a marriage which has lasted a long time. In a new marriage everything is like gummy bears, sweet and cute, in a marriage that has been around for a long time it is more like a town deserted after a gold-rush. My parents have been married for over 40 years, but it’s like code orange in their home most of the time, especially as they get older, and stay home more often with each other. My grandparents on my dad’s side were married till grandpa passed away, and I have to add that grandma was many years older than grandpa, probably about 10 years older. They actually seemed happy, maybe because grandma was so much older… They talked to each other every night right before they went to sleep, sleeping in two separate beds for comfort, across from each other, and talking to each night as it would be a ritual. After grandpa passed away, and before grandma died, she was able to manage her life pretty good without him, but she seemed a lot less happy. My other grandparents had a disastrous marriage. It was arranged, and my grandma agreed to it, but she never took her children or her husband seriously, she wanted to rule the household, not to be a part of it. That marriage only lasted till her oldest son was about 18, but she left my grandpa without any hesitation, or looking back. She never looked back at what this marriage did to her children. She never took any responsibility for her foolish actions, I am not her child, but I have a lot of resentment because my mother never recovered from her parent’s marriage and separation. None of my grandparent’s children on my mom’s side had good marriages, as none of the children of my other grandparents. As I look at my cousins, married, or not, only one on each side of the family has a normal, healthy relationship/marriage.
That’s why I don’t think marriage is really that needed in today’s society. People, if they care about each other can still have meaningful relationships with each other, they can live together, raise families, build their futures together, support each other, but a piece of paper is not what makes anything work. If a marriage works, the same people would be able to have an equally good relationship without a marriage license. If people are in a bad relationship, a marriage will not save it. Let’s face it, a marriage is a contract. We can all enter into less binding contracts with another person without a judge or a priest telling us to sign on a dotted line. I believe that people who love each other can make a relationship work without a legal contract. All that contract does is restricts people, who are unhappy in their relationship. Men are always able to divorce women, in all countries, and all cultures, but women who are legally married are not always able to get a divorce. In many European countries, it is not popular to get married. People live together, raise families together, but they can always leave. It does not mean that unmarried people would be released from their obligations towards their children, but they would be released from their obligations towards a partner they no longer want to be with. And couples, who decide to live like that know going into a relationship, that each side must be self-sufficient going into relationship, as well as in case the relationship doesn’t work, and they would have to split.
For some people marriage is needed, for others it is not. We as society should be able to understand position of both groups pro and against marriage. Maybe it is time we put less importance on a piece of paper, and more on bettering lives of people who are in abusive relationships.
I am not against marriage, but having been married for 18 years, I think marriage is over-rated, and it is often a fantasy. It is possible to have a strong relationship in a marriage, as well as when people are not married.

Do you see marriage in your future? Why/why not?

Do I see marriage in my future?
For someone who has been married for over 18 years that is since 1992 I definitely have marriage in my life right now, but it is very hard to say what the future might bring.
I got married young; I was a little over 21 when I got married. I moved out of the house when I was 19, because I wanted to get some freedom in my life. I didn’t understand that there’s no freedom in moving from my parents to living with my boyfriend. I never fully understood till I was much older, that for a woman to have a freedom in her life is to be self sufficient, and at 19 I was not self sufficient, but I was not able to live with my over-protecting parents. The next logical (to me at that time) step was to get married. What else was there? I was pregnant, and I thought the right thing to do is to provide a family for my daughter. I got pregnant knowingly, I just thought since I decided not to finish college at that time, I should at least be a mother. Not like I had many career choices lined up, I thought being a mom was a big, bold, and brave step up. I was ready to be a mom, I was sure I would be an OK mother. I was not mistaken in that. My daughter is 17 now, and she is a great person, I really love her, even if she is giving me a taste of my own medicine right now. I was probably terrible at her age myself. Of course in the eyes of a teenager it all looks different. I did well as a mom, we are very close as a mother and a daughter, even closer than most parents and children are, because she was born with Tuberous Sclerosis Complex, and I knowingly decided not to have other children.
I know for sure, that if I would not marry, my relationship would end quickly. I am not a type of a person, who puts up with other people’s immaturity, or luck of commitment. I require a 100 %, because I am giving a 100%. However, if you are not married, you have no rights to request from another person to commit to you, and to become mature in the light of life changing circumstances. My life was changing, I was pregnant, my partner was 4 years older, but not even close in maturity level. I think it hits him now, when he’s almost 44. On the other hand, the closest I get to 40, the more I feel I want to go back in time and experience everything in life that I missed by being in a committed relationship since 1991.
If I would have know then what I know now, my life would be different, but I hate living with regrets. I think I should honor my previous decisions, and accept them fully. One never knows if the decision you make today would still be as good in 20 years. Chances are it will not be.
Knowing now, what I didn’t know then, I think I probably would not get married at 21, I would not have a child at 22, and would not be in college at 39. I would mix this a little bit, and I would most definitely finish school first, so I could take care of myself always and forever, no matter how the rest of my life would go.
Marriage is not for everyone, being married for so long I probably would be lost if I would become single now. It would be very difficult for me to get used to the idea, that there’s no other person I can count on, or ask what to do. My husband probably would say that I never ask, I just notify. I complain to myself a lot about being married, and it’s not even the fact that I am married, it’s that after almost two decades we have been through it all, we are good friends, we need each other, we co-parent, but we grew apart. Many difficult obstacles have made us different, more resilient on one hand, but more alone on the other hand. We became like two friends, who live together, but deep down they wish for something else. Neither of us says it unless we are angry with each other. Many times I have considered ending this relationship, but I don’t think I could hurt another person like that. Unless my husband would want the same. Neither of us is willing to take a drastic step, but at the same time I think that maybe we don’t need to change anything. Maybe it is good as it is. He has his life, I have mine, and we have our life together as a family. Maybe there’s nothing out there. If there would be something different waiting for us, wouldn’t everyone know about it already? In life we may never marry, or we may marry only once, or we may have several spouses, but I think history just keeps on repeating itself no matter which path we are on. If we never married, maybe that’s what works for us, and if we are married once, maybe we should just stay together if it is a good relationship, or for those of us who keep on changing spouses, we just need some variety, and it will never end - a partner followed by another partner, and another, but we never fully understand why we can’t just find the right person, just one person. Maybe there’s not just one person. I know my opinion of marriage may not be very popular, but having so many years of experience I think I speak the truth, my truth.

Feminine or powerful.

Can women achieve balance of being perceived as both powerful and feminine in today’s society, or are those images mutually exclusive?

I think the balance of being perceived as both powerful and feminine in today’s society is achieved, but rarely seen on day to day basis, especially if you are not a high ranked player in the business world.
I consider myself feminine, but every time I have to be strong to achieve something, I notice that my feminine side just shuts off. I concentrate more on the power struggle than on anything else. I don’t know how to be both feminine and powerful at the same time; I’m either one or the other based on a situation. Being feminine often means knowing one’s place, keeping quiet, speaking softly, dressing flowy, and not being very opinionated.
Being a woman in a power position means being tough, laud, dressed for success, not to show any attributes of a female body. I probably like a mix of both worlds. I like being a woman, but I don’t like being weak. I wish I could connect my both sides, and really not care what others read into this.
My best friend is a symbol of joining both power and femininity. She has a well established business career, and she is probably the strongest woman I know. She says the same about me, because while she is climbing the business ladder, I fight with my daughter’s illness, Tuberous Sclerosis Complex. My friend does not care what others think about her. She’s always herself. She will not tell anyone something just because they want to hear it. She will tell them the truth even if they don’t like that. She always wants to be heard, and then seen. She does not believe in slaving at home on the weekends, or catching up with the chores. It drives her husband, the perfectionist, crazy. She travels a lot for business, and her husband is left home with their 8 year old daughter. He calls her to ask what he should dress Alex in, but Suzie, my friend, tells him to decide. I in the same situation would give my husband point by point directions how to get from point a to point b, till my daughter would be dressed for all weather changes.
My friend likes short hair, she likes pants, she likes to be elegant, but when she is working she may be the best looking girl in the room, as well as the toughest player.
She enjoys cooking, but it’s her hobby, not something she has to do, it’s the only way to enjoy it. She is a product of a strong mother, who just like my friend never second guessed her decisions. In my opinion Sue is a perfect example of a powerful, but still feminine woman.

Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou

I chose Maya Angelou for my presentation by chance. My first choice was Virginia Woolf, simply because I already knew so much about her. I thought as a woman, and a writer she was remarkable.

However, things in life sometimes work against me in one way or another. I was accepted as a fourth member of another group, which already decided to focus on Maya Angelou. I knew just a bit about her. Of course she’s a living person, so I have seen her on TV several times. I have seen her deliver one of her poems for President Clinton’s inauguration. I just didn’t know much about her. After reading her short bio, I decided that by chance this was a great choice for our presentation, because she is also a remarkable woman with a life to die for. Truly a pleasure to learn more about her.

Free choice.

Being a mom is a hard job. I was a young mother. I had my daughter at 22. It was my decision. I always wanted to be a mom, I just felt like it was the right time. I guess my hormones were telling me this. Now my daughter is 17 years old, and she is my only child. I always thought I would have three children, but after giving birth to one child, I was not sure if I wanted to do it again. I think it took me about 8 years to get over the pain. On one hand I feel it would be better for my daughter to have a sibling, on the other hand I think I’m glad that I was responsible enough to only have as many children as I thought I could do a good job raising. I am a mother, who really is involved in my daughter’s life. I want her to know that I’m there for her, and that she comes first. Sometimes it’s really hard to put things in order in which they need to happen. I work, I go to school, and my daughter was born with an illness called Tuberous Sclerosis Complex. Just taking her to the doctors for her check-ups every six months and for all the tests is like a second job. And now she is going through her teenage years. I feel like she’s going through her teenage years for the second time. It was really hard for her when she was about 13 years old. Now, when she turned 17, she is really moody, unhappy and has a bad image of herself once again. On the other hand she constantly tells me, that she is almost an adult, and that I should let her do whatever she wants. Of course I can’t just let her run wild no matter how old she is, as long as she lives at home and goes to school, she has to live by our rules. I don’t know, but I imagined motherhood a little different, I though I would be an easier, a more natural thing, and all would just happen the way I want things to be. I somehow did not take under consideration, that I am raising another human being, who has needs, wants, and own ideas. I remember that the first time I realized that my daughter is capable to being independent, I was in a little shock. It felt like I lost a rug from under my feet. I just counted on being able to guide her for a longer time. Now I can only hope that she learned enough already to make smart decisions, and that she will trust me enough to come to me if she ever has a problem.

Why do you think it’s more socially acceptable for women to be homosexual than it is for men?

In general women are viewed as “girlfriends”, and as far as I can remember from my childhood, it was always acceptable for girls and women to hold hands and be affectionate towards each other. It was not alarming for women to be close, and it was not really associated with homosexuality. Men on the other hand are suppose to be tougher, and for men to touch each other, or hold hands, or walk really close to each other would not be ok. I remember having sleepovers with my girlfriends, when I was a little girl, and we all slept in one bed, but when boys would have sleepovers, they would sleep separately. Each of the boys in a different bed, or in a sleeping bag.
I guess women were more trusted not to “do anything irrational” then men, and also since for centuries women acted that way, as a girls club, it just became normal to see them together. It got passed men to see that women can have intimate relationships with each other not only as friends. Homosexuality and women were not put on the same shelf.
I think that it is more acceptable for women to be homosexual, because women are not taken seriously, and also men have those crazy fantasies about women making out. I think it’s sick for men to see women as sexual objects, even if the women are homosexual.

Free Choice

I would love to know what everyone thinks about Amy Bloom’s “Come To Me”. After reading the two stories I really liked it myself. I know the subject matter is controversial and probably some people will disapprove, but I was going purely on talent, and the ideas for the stories.
The first story “ Love Is Not A Pie” was really interesting, and definitely not as controversial as the second story. I can understand this family. They did not call themselves normal, but on the outside they were “normal” to the rest of the world. They were loving, educated, and took care of the children. There’s nothing you can really say that they did wrong. There was no abuse, neglect, and fights. They lived to enjoy themselves, and to be happy. The children got it. I really thought Ellen made a right decision not to marry a man, who could not make her happy, and who she couldn’t share everything with. OK, so the mother had another man on the side, but the husband knew. If it was all-good with him, then why should we judge? I don’t promote infidelity, but maybe in some relationships it works. After all, if people are grown-ups, and fairly prudent, they are capable of making their own decisions. In Buddhism it is forbidden to do anything that brings pain to others, and I think even Buddhism would not disapprove of this complicated relationship. All parties involved seemed happy, and completely OK with the whole arrangement.
The other story, “Sleepwalking”, was a lot more controversial. I know, that people, who just went through a life changing experience, often do things out of character, and things they would never do if their lives would not be changed forever. That’s why I understand why Julia slept with her stepson, as wrong as it was. On the other hand, her stepson was an adult. I don’t know if he was in love with his stepmother prior to his father’s death, or if he wanted to take his father’s place. Maybe he was just young, and in such discomfort, that he needed to be with someone, or maybe his hormones were going crazy. I don’t approve of sleeping with one’s step-children or step-parents, but then again, the characters went through a life-changing event, and maybe they were a bit lost and needed to feel close and connected. What do you think?

Mika Brzezinski

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VdNcCcweL0

What positive images of female sexuality can you think of in popular media?

What positive images of female sexuality can you think of in popular media?

I don’t think I can recall one single positive image of female sexuality in popular media. It is true I almost don’t watch TV, I really don’t read color magazines, and I don’t care about gossip, or what is popular.
I think many stories that Oprah runs on her show are positive, but they don’t have much to do with images of female sexuality. It’s more about lifestyles, and popular or intriguing subjects. However, I believe that Oprah as a powerful woman, who has some sex appeal, has a very positive image and she promotes positive images on her show.
The other person that popped into my head was Angelina Jolie. I don’t know much about her, and I don’t follow the gossip associated with her persona, but I must say, that as a sex symbol, which she is always portrayed as, she is doing so much as a humanitarian. I guess being good looking in a natural way does not mean being stupid, and does not prevent her from doing good with her image to benefit others. She can actually be viewed as a sex symbol by most people in the world, although I doubt it she wants to be one or needs to be one, but that status does not prevent her from doing humanitarian work
The person I recalled was Mika Brzezinski. She is a well-known journalist, currently on MSNBC, where she co-hosts “Morning Joe”. She is a daughter of Zbigniew Brzezinki, a foreign policy expert, and National Security Advisor to president Jimmy Carter. She is a very feisty woman, who is well educated, good looking, professional, and can hold her own. A few years ago, when she was hosting her show, and reporting on Iraq war, she was asked by the show producer to run Paris Hilton release from jail story as main news. She refused several times. At one point, being on air she attempted to set the script on fire, later she tore a second copy apart, and at the end ran the final copy over the paper shredder. I have seen a repeat of the show after I heard about it from my husband. I must say, Mika is my hero. I really thought, that she made a great point. She didn’t loose her job over it, but she would not back up from it at any cost.

Violetta (Violet) Carewicz, Can sex-related scandal “ruin” a woman today?

Violetta (Violet) Carewicz
Can sex-related scandal “ruin” a woman today?

As with anything else in life, every little and often innocent mistake can ruin a woman. Lately in the news we heard about so many sex scandals caused by men, especially by men in high public offices, and high-profile cases.
My question is: why do men seem to get away with the scandals? Tiger Woods will play golf soon, and act like nothing happen. The women, who he slept with will be labeled for the rest of their lives, no matter if they deserve some of his blame or not. The young woman, who slept with then governor on New York, Eliot Spitzer is ruined forever. Maybe she will write a book, or make a few dollars over this, but the label will stick. What do we really know Monica Lewinsky for? Bill Clinton recovered, finished his term in the office, and now he’s known as a humanitarian. His wife was really humiliated, even though in my opinion she is a super-woman as much as we can comprehend the meaning of it. I even like Bill Clinton, I think he did great for this country, but he was able to get away with so much more than the naïve young girl he took advantage of. If we compare his knowledge, education and life experience to hers, it is clear that he could manipulate her any which way. Of course she was suppose to say no, or she was suppose to close her mouth and keep this a secret, or maybe she should have known better, but she did not. She paid the higher price, as all the women implicated in sexual scandals usually do. Again, a double standard. Men get away with those scandals all the time, women don’t.
As shown in the documentary from MTV about sexting, it is easy to understand why things like that even take place. Young girls are starved for attention, unsure of themselves, they still are finding who they are. They are often stuck on no-good boys. Boys, who will take advantage of them, and not pay the consequences.
There really is a thin line between private and public information in the era of digital everything. Should there even be a punishment for sexting? I don’t believe so, because as shown in the program, kids are simply too stupid to understand the future consequences. Girls are ruined over this. If not by their peers, than by themselves. They end up in therapy, they get depressed, and some may commit suicide. Boys, if convicted pay a high price as well.
I was upset, that the boyfriend of Ally, the one who forwarded Ally’s half-naked picture around was not punished. Why not? I understand that she was punished by the peers, not the law, but why people were not laughing at him, only at her? Because she’s a girl, she’s emotional over this, the kids now how to get to her?
Yes, girls this age often don’t think ahead. They live in a moment, however so do the boys. They do as much as they can get away with. The technology is allowing it, and the laws don’t keep up.
If only kids would have a common sense to delete those pictures right away, or never take such pictures, or never add to the whole problem by forwarding them, and not making fun of each other over this. No one is immune from this, and it’s unfortunate.
Ally is paying the ultimate price for wanting some attention from her ex-boyfriend. She is in therapy, everyone knows about what took place, she has anxiety, and she is scared of her peers, and of anyone else, who else will discover about her scandal.
Of course a sex-related scandal can “ruin” a woman today. Each woman touched by such tragedy will react in a different way. Some will be strong, and will learn from that, some may even commit suicide. In my opinion it is very important how the other people involved in the scandal will react. I think everyone has a moral responsibility to protect the victim. We should not be jumping to conclusions, and looking for punishment, we shouldn’t spread rumors, and ridicule the victim. We should be above it as a society. Our obligation should be towards the victim, and protecting of the victim, and not make a scandal out of it.

Violetta (Violet) Carewicz,Did Irene push Clare out of the window? Why/why not?

Violetta (Violet) Carewicz

Did Irene push Clare out of the window? Why/why not?

At first I thought that Irene possibly and unconsciously pushed Clare out the window. It certainly seemed like Irene was so furious with Clare, and so obsessed with her, that she broke at some point. We saw this build up of emotions escalating and growing through the story. From the moment the women have met after years of separation, through all the meetings, outings, letters, and talks. Irene just could no longer stand Clare. I think she was jealous of her looks, and her money, and the fact that Clare was living as a white woman, and upset that Clare chose that life for herself.
On the other hand Irene saw first hand what kind of life Clare had. She had the looks, the money, the easy life, but she was a caged bird, who had to pretend that she’s someone else. Her life was a secret to most everyone accepts a few friends from her past, and Irene.
Clare definitely liked Irene more that Irene could tolerate Clare. I think that in fact Clare needed Irene, and she trusted her. Clare over time become very close to Irene.
It’s true, that Clare was like a train wreck in a way. Once she started living the double life, she could not stop herself, but she also had a human side to her. She understood her position, she understood the dander she was putting her daughter and herself in, and she knew what people were thinking of her. She apparently was unable to stop any of this. She had to continue with the charade.
Her husband would never accept her if he would know her roots and her past, and her daughter was in constant danger of being confronted by her father, and even disowned by him. Clare knowing all of that was still unable to try to back out of the situation, out of the marriage, or simply stop seeing her African-American friends. She never fully had both sides of the equation under control. At any given moment she could be discovered. She way playing with it. She loved her life because it was easy, and she didn’t want to leave it behind, but she also wanted to be close to her childhood friends. In a normal life, under regular circumstances that would be all right, she could have both. Today she could have both. She wouldn’t have to hide, but then she had to make choices and be afraid of consequences.
Irene was in a very strange state of mind when she started seeing Clare. It seemed like she lost control of her own life. She was still the same Irene, living her normal life, being a mom and a wife, but Clare woke something up in her. Something unusual for a woman like Irene. Irene had all her life in order. She was a control freak, maybe a harmless one, but still a control freak, who would not give up her things, but wouldn’t allow her husband to have what he wanted and needed. She protected her children from reality, and protected her life and family from the unknown of moving to Brazil. She knew her husband wanted that one thing in his life. He wanted to move there, because as an African-American doctor outside of Harlem he still was a colored man, not a doctor.
When Clare reappears in Irene’s life, the well-calculated lives of two women are turned upside down. Clare puts everything on line to see her friends, even if her racist husband would “kill” her for that, and Irene feels like she’s loosing her life, her husband.
Irene becomes enraged, jealous, obsessed, she wants Clare away from her life, but she cannot make herself break the bond, she wants it to happen naturally.
I think Irene wanted Clare out, and she could not stand her anymore. She imagined that Clare and her husband started an affair. She wanted to protect her family from Clare, and the unknown of what Clare’s presence in their life could bring. She knew that Clare always went after things she wanted, consequences were no issue to her. Irene had reasons to believe that Clare may ruin her life. However, at the very last moment before Clare fell out the window, or jumped out the window when confronted by her husband, I strongly believe, that Irene’s conscience kicked in. She put aside everything and wanted to protect Clare from her husband instead of pushing her out.
It’s not clear how Clare ended up outside the window, if she took her own life, if it was an accident, or if Irene or her husband had something to do with Clare’s death. Perhaps it was an accident. I think Irene more than anything wanted to protect Clare from her husband, maybe she tried to grab her but instead she pushed her away. I think Irene felt completely devastated and scared, and even mentally unbalanced after the accident, but not because she caused it, but because she was not able to prevent it, and she tried to do it in the apartment, but the whole meeting and confrontation between Clare and her husband would never even happen if Irene would tell her husband and most of all tell Clare about the chance meeting with Clare’s husband. That probably would prevent the tragedy. So in the end Irene had nothing to do with Clare’s death by pushing her out the window, but she created the situation where Clare lost her life.

Smart men less likely than dumb ones to cheat on lovers: study

Smart men less likely than dumb ones to cheat on lovers: study

Why do you think men and women are held to different standards when it comes to sexuality?

Why do you think men and women are held to different standards when it comes to sexuality?
Because we let “them” do it to us! But seriously, men and women are different. Men are known as more sexual beings, they start sexual experiences earlier in life (or so we are told), they don’t mind having many sexual partners, they enjoy sex without commitment. Women on the other hand are known to be less sexual (it’s probably not as true as we often hear), for women sex and love go hand in hand, and casual sex is a bigger deal to women than men.
Of course there are examples of men being asexual or less sexual, and of women being sexual predators, but in general women are know to be less sexual, and men are known to be more aggressive when it comes to sex.
Why does the double standard exist? I think it starts early on in childhood. Girls are more shielded and protected from everything, and boys are given more freedom. Also boys are expected to be more aggressive, brave, they are not supposed to show tears. Young girls are expected to be emotional, and cry when they don’t get what they want. They are also expected to be polite, and nice, and agreeable. Boys grow into men, who are sexual beings with little consequences of their actions, and girls grow into women, who are not suppose to get pregnant before they get married. Pregnant girls and young women are very visible, but boys and men, the fathers of the children the pregnant girls and women carry, are relatively untouched by the situation. Teenage pregnancy, and unwanted pregnancy is often seen as the women’s problem. The man can just walk away from it without many consequences.
It would be ideal if men and other women would not judge more sexually free women for being sexual, or over-sexual, or expressive when it comes to their sexuality. It doesn’t happen that way. Women having premarital sex for example, are looked down upon, but for centuries men had premarital sex without consequences other than unexpected pregnancy. Women dating younger men are called cougars, but for centuries men looked for younger partners without having any labels attached. When it comes to casual sex, women are “bad” for doing it, but it’s normal for men to go down that path. Men look at sex as fun, women look at it more like a relationship builder.
Why are we held to different standards? First of all women have a lot to do with it, we let men get away with so much. We often judge other women and their sexuality, but we don’t hold men responsible to the same degree. If women would just stop doing it, our lives would be easier, and we would be able to protect ourselves form being labeled as sluts. As mothers, women should not allow their sons to have sex, if they don’t want their daughters to do the same. Let’s not start to accept that double standard at home already. Let’s be as much tough or as much lenient on our children of both sexes.
Women are more liberated now, especially women living in cities, and women who have equal opportunities to men. Those women push really hard for being recognized as equal to men in all aspects, including sex. A very important thing to add is that as society we should have equal responsibilities for men and women when it comes to parenthood and pregnancy. Especially if parents are not in a relationship. Women should never be put down because they got pregnant, or decided to keep a child, or decided to terminate the pregnancy. Men should be half responsible.

Are class struggles alive and well in the U.S. today?

I am assuming, that since there are social and economic classes in the United States, than there must be some sort of a struggle between them. For sure it’s nothing as severe as during the Industrial Revolution, but the worse the economy gets, the more visible the struggles and general anti-trust between classes gets.
In the U.S. we have the three major classes, the very wealthy, the middle class, and the poor. The middle class is the largest class, and it’s kind of a buffer between the two other classes. In many other countries the middle class either doesn’t exist, or it’s only growing, so the struggles between the rich and the poor are more visible elsewhere.
The United States wants to be seen around the world as the country, which provides for everyone, for all the classes. Our country has an image known to the world, as a place where the poor can become rich, and it takes little to fall from the top. In reality it’s less and less like that. The wealthiest 10% wants to keep as much as possible to themselves, and they will not share. The lobby is very powerful in Washington, and that’s why ordinary people often get fed up with the government, which seems to protect not the needy, but the ones who already have so much. The recent example of a man, who crashed his plane in the IRS building. Not too long ago, we all had our own opinion if the government should bail out the biggest Wall Street banks, but not the people, who were loosing their homes. Previously to that we were appalled by the Bernie Madoff scandal.
The higher the standard of living gets in America, the less struggles we see, the worse the economy is, the more people become angry at the wealthy and the government, because they don’t see an equal division of goods and money between the classes. The wealthy don’t suffer as much in a bad economy, the middle class gets by, but the poor really suffer. The conflict between the Wall Street and the Main Street will always exist.

Role of women in today's American culture.

I don’t know how this happened, but I made 2 postings on the blog, but I had no idea they were suppose to be on a specific topic.
My ONE free choice qualifies, but the other post does not, as I didn’t write about the role of women in today’s American culture.

So here’s a correct posting:

In my opinion the role of women in today’s American culture has changed in the last decade or so. I don’t live in this country long enough to see the changes over many years, but I definitely see changes for the better. Women used to have very traditional roles, like mothers, wives, cooks, cleaners, etc. Women in wealthy homes did not work outside of the home, poor women if given a chance would be working in factories, or as housekeepers, nannies and so on.
In today’s society and culture American women have many roles. Some do choose to stay home and be mothers and wives, but they are no longer required to have this role only. Women are able to go to school, get education, have careers. Now-a-days men, who earn less then their wives stay home, and take care of the children. It’s becoming more acceptable for men to stay home, and for women, to work outside the home.
Women are able to do the same jobs as men traditionally would do. Women are artists, writers, business owners, doctors, pilots, CEOs, Olympians and they work in all fields and on all levels of career path. On the other hand, there’s still less women doing all those jobs then man, and there are more women living on this planet than men.
Women are becoming equal to men in reality then ever before. We have proven we can do the same jobs just as well. Of course the sexism still exists, and that’s why we don’t see equal numbers of men and women working in certain fields. However, we can see a lot of progress, especially in America. Women’s roles are diverse, and there are many different roles.

"Passing" by Nella Larsen

I was not aware of what passing was before I read this story. Now I know that passing takes place when African-American people with light skin pass themselves off as white people, to enjoy the same privileges and rights.
There are two main characters in the story, Irene and Clare. They are both African-American women, who were friends as children, and by chance they meet again as adults.
Irene Redfield is middle-class, married to an African-American doctor, she has 2 sons, and she is of white complexion. She lives in Harlem among other African-Americans, and she does not want to pass for a white woman, as she is proud of her heritage.
Clare Kendry is very light skinned due to the fact that her grandfather was white, and had an illegitimate child with a black woman. Clare, after her father dies, was raised by her white aunts, who were poor, but religious, and felt obligated to raise her, but didn’t want people to know that she was African-American. Clare was always a determined person. She was raised poor, and wanted finer things in life. She does not have a problem passing as a white woman, not only because of her looks, but morally she feels it’s a right thing to do if one wants to get ahead in life. She married a white man, who is a bigot. Her husband talks openly about hating African-Americans, even in a company of three black women, but he’s not able to recognize that. He has no idea his wife is really black, and so is his daughter, at least partially. Clare is a very strong person, who at times is even selfish, it probably comes from her upbringing, because her mother died when she was very young, and her father was a drunk, who died when she was 15 years old.
In this story we are shown two different worlds, one is Clare’s – a world where she “plays” a white woman- and the other world belongs to Irene, who could pass for w white woman as well, but chooses not to, however she sometimes passes when people don’t know her, and when it convenient for her to do so. For example she pretends she’s white when she meets Clare’s husband, and also when she goes to a restaurant to cool off.
In time we learn that Clare wants to be with her own people sometimes, and Irene sometimes passes as a white woman. They both play a double life, as they are not really sure who they are, they could both pass for white women, and in reality they are both African-American women. They are in this gray area, not sure of their identity. No matter which side they choose, they still have problems in their lives, some problems are connected to their heritage, and some are just regular problems people of all colors face.

Chitra Divakaruni, "Sudha's Story", "Nirgis' Toilette", Gouri Mashima", "All in My Head".

I haven't read any poetry in a long time. I used to write poetry as a teenager (who hasn't?), and I had a period in my life, when I liked poetry o lot, but then life happen (real life, as in responsibilities), and I no longer had time for what I liked.
At first I was a bit afraid, that I would read the poems, but not get the meaning. After all, most poems have hidden messages, which regular people often don't get, but this was not the case. I am impressed how Chitra Divakaruni is able to write such magic using plain, easy language. It's not so much the words, but the way she puts them together. Reading the poems I felt like I was there somewhere in the south Asia, hiding and watching all those stories happen in front of me.
In "Sudha's Story" I felt so sorry for the young woman. She is full of life, energetic, a college student, pretty, great dancer. It seems like her life could be any young woman's life, but then she is forced to get married, and it's not what I would call normal or ordinary. I am so upset at her parents for letting her just leave her life behind, and go with this unknown man, who may be rich, or powerful in a way, but he is a stranger. Why don't they get to know him better first? Why don't they have her get to know him? I know, it's the custom. It's still done today. But this is their daughter, full of potential, and they should be in her corner instead of thinking how they can benefit from this. They want people to envy them, but they don't want their child to be happy. I liked one comparison most of all. In the beginning she's dancing, and her braided long her is a symbol of her freedom, and then after she gets married, her husband puts that braid around her neck - like a leash - and tells her, that now she will only dance for him.
The moment she marries this strange man is the moment she has no identity of her own anymore. He's her master, she is nothing more than a slave. I couldn't stand the way he was upset about her being pregnant with a girl. It was his own child, but I guess he was not capable of loving anyone, including his own child.
The Taj Mahal trip was also a big disaster. The place is a symbol of love that never dies. His love for his wife never existed, he liked her looks, the way she danced, like some of us go shopping and pick something they like - an object, a pretty dress. She was an object.
"Nargis' Toilette" - this poem made me think about women, who are made to wear burkahs or who choose to do it, but as the poet says, they look like black candles. There's fire, and life under that thing, but a woman is not able to show it. All women in one way or another take care of themselves, but if you have to cover yourself top to bottom, what's the point of doing it. Let's say you do it for yourself, which in part is true - after all I don't dress and put make up on for other people as much as I do it for me, just to feel well...but on the other hand I don't have to cover myself before I leave the house. This is an issue. I am against women wearing burkahs, but who am I to tell women, who want to do it, that it's wrong, or that they are in a way oppressed. What I found really sad is the part that in a way the young woman is compared to a bird in a mirrored cage. She is also alone in the world, like all the women in her situation. She can count on herself. The family is already working on her arranged marriage. She will see her husband for the first time in a mirror, a day of her wedding. I cannot imagine how it would feel if I would be in her situation. My grandparents had an arranged marriage, and what a disaster that was. My grandma could have said no, but she didn't. They hated each other till the day my grandpa passed away. I cannot imagine living like this, because of family obligations or religion.
"Gouri Mashima" describes a life of a young bride, who if forced to leave her family and to move in with her husband's family. Her life is extremely hard, she is the youngest in the new family, the last to eat, the hardest working. She cannot give her husband children (no matter what the reason is, always the women are blamed), so her status in the family is even lower, she is an outcast. Her life wasn't always like that, she used to have a happy life, playing with her cousins, swimming, just a regular life any kid around the world may have. She is a good person, but the family doesn't "rate her" based on who she is, they look at what she brings to the table in terms of status, or children. She may not have her own children, but how good she takes care of the other children in the family. She can only be happy in her dreams and through the stories she tells the children.
"All in My Head" tells us a story of a mother and a daughter, who sleep in one bed, and are not able to communicate, even if they are close to each other, and care for one another. The mother cries at night, but she never explains to her daughter why. The daughter has a hard time dealing with her mother's cries, to the point, that she hurts herself. One day she decides to ask her mother about this during the day, when they were working together in the kitchen. Her mother gets upset, and explains nothing. The child explains it to herself the only way she can, she thinks she may be imagining things. That also tells the child, that the sexual abuse she sometimes suffers at night may all be in her head. I think the author wants to let the reader know, that a mother's responsibility is to be there for her children, and especially for her daughters. The mother probably cries because she knows the daughter is abused, but she won't help her, explain to her how wrong it is. The daughter goes on assuming it's normal, and a part of her imagination. It will hurt her in a long run. We can assume this.

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" A Room Of One's Own"

Violet Carewicz (Virginia Woolf “A Room Of One’s Own”)

I already posted this on my homework page, but don't mind to share it with the bloggers.
I am amazed at Virginia Woolf. I tried to read " Mrs. Dalloway" many, many years ago. I guess I just was not mature enough to finish. It was hard for me to read it because of a language barrier, but now I will finish the book. I was inspired by Virginia Woolf after watching the move "The Hours". The way she writes, and the movie as well, had this very charming athmosphere. I like reading books that have it in them. I have to feel like I'm there with the characters, just watching them, I have to be able to imagine every character in the book, and the places around them. The same with movies, if they don't have this "something" in them, I don't watch them. I love the movie "Blue"...I will always be impressed by the significance of the blue chandelier.

Virginia Woolf in her essay “ A Room Of It’s Own” writes about inequality between the roles of talented men and women. It’s a problem that is well documented in books through history, from the times of Cleopatra, to the beginning of 20th century, when Woolf is a writer.
Virginia Woolf gives us an example of Shakespeare and his imaginary sister. The “what if” element. Both the brother and the sister are very talented writers and artists, but their lives take them on completely different journeys due to the fact, that one is a man, and the other a woman.
As a man, Shakespeare is free to make his own choices. He’s not forced to live up to his responsibilities. He is free to run away from his problems, and free to run towards his interests.
He moves to London, where he quickly finds work in a theatre, and he becomes a well-known and influential actor and writer.
On the other hand, his imaginary sister, from the moment she’s born, she is denied the same level of education. Her talent doesn’t matter. She’s not able to go after her dreams and desires. She cannot be irresponsible in the name of her wants. Her role is defined as a future wife, mother, and housekeeper. That was the only path she could take. Perhaps she could also become a nun…Even if her family loves her not less then her brother, her parents wouldn’t want her to take on not traditional for women interests. Reading and imagination in women were not something there was time or need for.
When her time to get married comes, she’s expected to go along with her parents’ wishes or she can run away and shame her parents. If she’s really sure that she wants to follow in her brother’s footsteps, she would run away, but it would be a disaster. She would be denied the same things that came so easy to her brother, like education, job, and shelter, even food. Someone would take advantage of her, as she was so young, so desperate, and a woman - she would probably end up dead at a young age.
Two people, a brother, and a sister. Both talented, similar looking, but one a male with the world full of possibilities opens to him, the other a female, with her role already defined for her at her birth.
The other interesting thing Woolf writes about is limited interest in developing real, strong, intereresting women characters in literature. Women are often defined the same way book after book. Either not important characters, or objects of men’s desire. They are not represented as humans with everything that defines that. Men don’t write favorably or in an interesting way about women. Women in fiction like each other either as friends only, or they are jealous of each other. They are shown as simple creatures, mothers, daughters, wives, and they have very traditional relationships with men. But women in real lives have different interests than just domestic ones. In each human being there are both male and female traits waiting to be explored. Each writer should use their feminine and masculine side to develop full and real characters. Maybe writers should be sexless, or maybe they should be both sexes.
For a woman to become a writer is a very difficult thing, it always was that way thru ought the history. Women need money and freedom of their own, which was almost impossible to achieve in Woolf’s times, and long before that.
Virginia Woolf helps me realize something that I learned to live with, because not many women pay attention to this problem. It seems often women are able to just go for what they want in their lives, but it is not so for most women. Some women actually make it to high places, some become known for things they’ve achieved on their own, but many will not be able to live their dreams. I observe women often, and I see that some of my friends, who actually were able to get a college degree, and do what they always wanted, but they paid a high price for that. There’s often a conflict at home with their spouses, who want their wives to be traditional. They want their female partners or wives to go to work, but after work they want them to come home and play a cook, a cleaner, a mommy, a wife, a coordinator for the family. I often get lost in the same thing. I’m working, and I’m going to school at a late age, I have a daughter, who was born ill, and I feel guilty that I don’t have equal time for everyone in my life. My parents get older, and they get sicker, and I’m expected to take care of them, because my brother, who is younger decided to quit his job, and go back to school. He cannot handle work and school, and he doesn’t even have a family of his own. I am expected to be able to handle everything life throws my way, and I make people in my family sad or unhappy when I refuse to put myself second sometimes. On top of that I do feel guilty when I am not a super-woman and can’t make everyone happy and be able to keep up with school and work at the same time.

My first post :)

I really waited till the last moment to post something. I got sick over a week ago, and since I don't get sick often, when I get sick, I am all out. I know I'm sick, when my family has time to check on me, and ask me if I'm OK. I guess I don't look so peachy whan I'm sick.
I'm really exited for my Women in Literature class, mostly because I get to do what I like a lot, that is reading and writing. I never have much time for that in my life, so going to school fits in well with my life, and my passion. I used to have a lot of passion for writing when I was young(er). Then we moved to US, and I had to learn a new language, and it's not so easy to write in a new language. The basics I know, it's the "expend my vocabulary" words that I miss a lot. It's hard to remember new words, and to use them in everyday life. Writing is probably even easier than speaking for me. I just communicate a lot better by writing. I have a reputation among my family and friends for being "the crazy leave notes all over" lady. I start my day with a note to my husband, and a note for my daughter. I just want to make sure that we are all on the same page with our busy schedules.

My first post :)