Free choice.

Being a mom is a hard job. I was a young mother. I had my daughter at 22. It was my decision. I always wanted to be a mom, I just felt like it was the right time. I guess my hormones were telling me this. Now my daughter is 17 years old, and she is my only child. I always thought I would have three children, but after giving birth to one child, I was not sure if I wanted to do it again. I think it took me about 8 years to get over the pain. On one hand I feel it would be better for my daughter to have a sibling, on the other hand I think I’m glad that I was responsible enough to only have as many children as I thought I could do a good job raising. I am a mother, who really is involved in my daughter’s life. I want her to know that I’m there for her, and that she comes first. Sometimes it’s really hard to put things in order in which they need to happen. I work, I go to school, and my daughter was born with an illness called Tuberous Sclerosis Complex. Just taking her to the doctors for her check-ups every six months and for all the tests is like a second job. And now she is going through her teenage years. I feel like she’s going through her teenage years for the second time. It was really hard for her when she was about 13 years old. Now, when she turned 17, she is really moody, unhappy and has a bad image of herself once again. On the other hand she constantly tells me, that she is almost an adult, and that I should let her do whatever she wants. Of course I can’t just let her run wild no matter how old she is, as long as she lives at home and goes to school, she has to live by our rules. I don’t know, but I imagined motherhood a little different, I though I would be an easier, a more natural thing, and all would just happen the way I want things to be. I somehow did not take under consideration, that I am raising another human being, who has needs, wants, and own ideas. I remember that the first time I realized that my daughter is capable to being independent, I was in a little shock. It felt like I lost a rug from under my feet. I just counted on being able to guide her for a longer time. Now I can only hope that she learned enough already to make smart decisions, and that she will trust me enough to come to me if she ever has a problem.