Free choice.

Being a mom is a hard job. I was a young mother. I had my daughter at 22. It was my decision. I always wanted to be a mom, I just felt like it was the right time. I guess my hormones were telling me this. Now my daughter is 17 years old, and she is my only child. I always thought I would have three children, but after giving birth to one child, I was not sure if I wanted to do it again. I think it took me about 8 years to get over the pain. On one hand I feel it would be better for my daughter to have a sibling, on the other hand I think I’m glad that I was responsible enough to only have as many children as I thought I could do a good job raising. I am a mother, who really is involved in my daughter’s life. I want her to know that I’m there for her, and that she comes first. Sometimes it’s really hard to put things in order in which they need to happen. I work, I go to school, and my daughter was born with an illness called Tuberous Sclerosis Complex. Just taking her to the doctors for her check-ups every six months and for all the tests is like a second job. And now she is going through her teenage years. I feel like she’s going through her teenage years for the second time. It was really hard for her when she was about 13 years old. Now, when she turned 17, she is really moody, unhappy and has a bad image of herself once again. On the other hand she constantly tells me, that she is almost an adult, and that I should let her do whatever she wants. Of course I can’t just let her run wild no matter how old she is, as long as she lives at home and goes to school, she has to live by our rules. I don’t know, but I imagined motherhood a little different, I though I would be an easier, a more natural thing, and all would just happen the way I want things to be. I somehow did not take under consideration, that I am raising another human being, who has needs, wants, and own ideas. I remember that the first time I realized that my daughter is capable to being independent, I was in a little shock. It felt like I lost a rug from under my feet. I just counted on being able to guide her for a longer time. Now I can only hope that she learned enough already to make smart decisions, and that she will trust me enough to come to me if she ever has a problem.

Why do you think it’s more socially acceptable for women to be homosexual than it is for men?

In general women are viewed as “girlfriends”, and as far as I can remember from my childhood, it was always acceptable for girls and women to hold hands and be affectionate towards each other. It was not alarming for women to be close, and it was not really associated with homosexuality. Men on the other hand are suppose to be tougher, and for men to touch each other, or hold hands, or walk really close to each other would not be ok. I remember having sleepovers with my girlfriends, when I was a little girl, and we all slept in one bed, but when boys would have sleepovers, they would sleep separately. Each of the boys in a different bed, or in a sleeping bag.
I guess women were more trusted not to “do anything irrational” then men, and also since for centuries women acted that way, as a girls club, it just became normal to see them together. It got passed men to see that women can have intimate relationships with each other not only as friends. Homosexuality and women were not put on the same shelf.
I think that it is more acceptable for women to be homosexual, because women are not taken seriously, and also men have those crazy fantasies about women making out. I think it’s sick for men to see women as sexual objects, even if the women are homosexual.

Free Choice

I would love to know what everyone thinks about Amy Bloom’s “Come To Me”. After reading the two stories I really liked it myself. I know the subject matter is controversial and probably some people will disapprove, but I was going purely on talent, and the ideas for the stories.
The first story “ Love Is Not A Pie” was really interesting, and definitely not as controversial as the second story. I can understand this family. They did not call themselves normal, but on the outside they were “normal” to the rest of the world. They were loving, educated, and took care of the children. There’s nothing you can really say that they did wrong. There was no abuse, neglect, and fights. They lived to enjoy themselves, and to be happy. The children got it. I really thought Ellen made a right decision not to marry a man, who could not make her happy, and who she couldn’t share everything with. OK, so the mother had another man on the side, but the husband knew. If it was all-good with him, then why should we judge? I don’t promote infidelity, but maybe in some relationships it works. After all, if people are grown-ups, and fairly prudent, they are capable of making their own decisions. In Buddhism it is forbidden to do anything that brings pain to others, and I think even Buddhism would not disapprove of this complicated relationship. All parties involved seemed happy, and completely OK with the whole arrangement.
The other story, “Sleepwalking”, was a lot more controversial. I know, that people, who just went through a life changing experience, often do things out of character, and things they would never do if their lives would not be changed forever. That’s why I understand why Julia slept with her stepson, as wrong as it was. On the other hand, her stepson was an adult. I don’t know if he was in love with his stepmother prior to his father’s death, or if he wanted to take his father’s place. Maybe he was just young, and in such discomfort, that he needed to be with someone, or maybe his hormones were going crazy. I don’t approve of sleeping with one’s step-children or step-parents, but then again, the characters went through a life-changing event, and maybe they were a bit lost and needed to feel close and connected. What do you think?

Mika Brzezinski

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VdNcCcweL0

What positive images of female sexuality can you think of in popular media?

What positive images of female sexuality can you think of in popular media?

I don’t think I can recall one single positive image of female sexuality in popular media. It is true I almost don’t watch TV, I really don’t read color magazines, and I don’t care about gossip, or what is popular.
I think many stories that Oprah runs on her show are positive, but they don’t have much to do with images of female sexuality. It’s more about lifestyles, and popular or intriguing subjects. However, I believe that Oprah as a powerful woman, who has some sex appeal, has a very positive image and she promotes positive images on her show.
The other person that popped into my head was Angelina Jolie. I don’t know much about her, and I don’t follow the gossip associated with her persona, but I must say, that as a sex symbol, which she is always portrayed as, she is doing so much as a humanitarian. I guess being good looking in a natural way does not mean being stupid, and does not prevent her from doing good with her image to benefit others. She can actually be viewed as a sex symbol by most people in the world, although I doubt it she wants to be one or needs to be one, but that status does not prevent her from doing humanitarian work
The person I recalled was Mika Brzezinski. She is a well-known journalist, currently on MSNBC, where she co-hosts “Morning Joe”. She is a daughter of Zbigniew Brzezinki, a foreign policy expert, and National Security Advisor to president Jimmy Carter. She is a very feisty woman, who is well educated, good looking, professional, and can hold her own. A few years ago, when she was hosting her show, and reporting on Iraq war, she was asked by the show producer to run Paris Hilton release from jail story as main news. She refused several times. At one point, being on air she attempted to set the script on fire, later she tore a second copy apart, and at the end ran the final copy over the paper shredder. I have seen a repeat of the show after I heard about it from my husband. I must say, Mika is my hero. I really thought, that she made a great point. She didn’t loose her job over it, but she would not back up from it at any cost.

Violetta (Violet) Carewicz, Can sex-related scandal “ruin” a woman today?

Violetta (Violet) Carewicz
Can sex-related scandal “ruin” a woman today?

As with anything else in life, every little and often innocent mistake can ruin a woman. Lately in the news we heard about so many sex scandals caused by men, especially by men in high public offices, and high-profile cases.
My question is: why do men seem to get away with the scandals? Tiger Woods will play golf soon, and act like nothing happen. The women, who he slept with will be labeled for the rest of their lives, no matter if they deserve some of his blame or not. The young woman, who slept with then governor on New York, Eliot Spitzer is ruined forever. Maybe she will write a book, or make a few dollars over this, but the label will stick. What do we really know Monica Lewinsky for? Bill Clinton recovered, finished his term in the office, and now he’s known as a humanitarian. His wife was really humiliated, even though in my opinion she is a super-woman as much as we can comprehend the meaning of it. I even like Bill Clinton, I think he did great for this country, but he was able to get away with so much more than the naïve young girl he took advantage of. If we compare his knowledge, education and life experience to hers, it is clear that he could manipulate her any which way. Of course she was suppose to say no, or she was suppose to close her mouth and keep this a secret, or maybe she should have known better, but she did not. She paid the higher price, as all the women implicated in sexual scandals usually do. Again, a double standard. Men get away with those scandals all the time, women don’t.
As shown in the documentary from MTV about sexting, it is easy to understand why things like that even take place. Young girls are starved for attention, unsure of themselves, they still are finding who they are. They are often stuck on no-good boys. Boys, who will take advantage of them, and not pay the consequences.
There really is a thin line between private and public information in the era of digital everything. Should there even be a punishment for sexting? I don’t believe so, because as shown in the program, kids are simply too stupid to understand the future consequences. Girls are ruined over this. If not by their peers, than by themselves. They end up in therapy, they get depressed, and some may commit suicide. Boys, if convicted pay a high price as well.
I was upset, that the boyfriend of Ally, the one who forwarded Ally’s half-naked picture around was not punished. Why not? I understand that she was punished by the peers, not the law, but why people were not laughing at him, only at her? Because she’s a girl, she’s emotional over this, the kids now how to get to her?
Yes, girls this age often don’t think ahead. They live in a moment, however so do the boys. They do as much as they can get away with. The technology is allowing it, and the laws don’t keep up.
If only kids would have a common sense to delete those pictures right away, or never take such pictures, or never add to the whole problem by forwarding them, and not making fun of each other over this. No one is immune from this, and it’s unfortunate.
Ally is paying the ultimate price for wanting some attention from her ex-boyfriend. She is in therapy, everyone knows about what took place, she has anxiety, and she is scared of her peers, and of anyone else, who else will discover about her scandal.
Of course a sex-related scandal can “ruin” a woman today. Each woman touched by such tragedy will react in a different way. Some will be strong, and will learn from that, some may even commit suicide. In my opinion it is very important how the other people involved in the scandal will react. I think everyone has a moral responsibility to protect the victim. We should not be jumping to conclusions, and looking for punishment, we shouldn’t spread rumors, and ridicule the victim. We should be above it as a society. Our obligation should be towards the victim, and protecting of the victim, and not make a scandal out of it.

Violetta (Violet) Carewicz,Did Irene push Clare out of the window? Why/why not?

Violetta (Violet) Carewicz

Did Irene push Clare out of the window? Why/why not?

At first I thought that Irene possibly and unconsciously pushed Clare out the window. It certainly seemed like Irene was so furious with Clare, and so obsessed with her, that she broke at some point. We saw this build up of emotions escalating and growing through the story. From the moment the women have met after years of separation, through all the meetings, outings, letters, and talks. Irene just could no longer stand Clare. I think she was jealous of her looks, and her money, and the fact that Clare was living as a white woman, and upset that Clare chose that life for herself.
On the other hand Irene saw first hand what kind of life Clare had. She had the looks, the money, the easy life, but she was a caged bird, who had to pretend that she’s someone else. Her life was a secret to most everyone accepts a few friends from her past, and Irene.
Clare definitely liked Irene more that Irene could tolerate Clare. I think that in fact Clare needed Irene, and she trusted her. Clare over time become very close to Irene.
It’s true, that Clare was like a train wreck in a way. Once she started living the double life, she could not stop herself, but she also had a human side to her. She understood her position, she understood the dander she was putting her daughter and herself in, and she knew what people were thinking of her. She apparently was unable to stop any of this. She had to continue with the charade.
Her husband would never accept her if he would know her roots and her past, and her daughter was in constant danger of being confronted by her father, and even disowned by him. Clare knowing all of that was still unable to try to back out of the situation, out of the marriage, or simply stop seeing her African-American friends. She never fully had both sides of the equation under control. At any given moment she could be discovered. She way playing with it. She loved her life because it was easy, and she didn’t want to leave it behind, but she also wanted to be close to her childhood friends. In a normal life, under regular circumstances that would be all right, she could have both. Today she could have both. She wouldn’t have to hide, but then she had to make choices and be afraid of consequences.
Irene was in a very strange state of mind when she started seeing Clare. It seemed like she lost control of her own life. She was still the same Irene, living her normal life, being a mom and a wife, but Clare woke something up in her. Something unusual for a woman like Irene. Irene had all her life in order. She was a control freak, maybe a harmless one, but still a control freak, who would not give up her things, but wouldn’t allow her husband to have what he wanted and needed. She protected her children from reality, and protected her life and family from the unknown of moving to Brazil. She knew her husband wanted that one thing in his life. He wanted to move there, because as an African-American doctor outside of Harlem he still was a colored man, not a doctor.
When Clare reappears in Irene’s life, the well-calculated lives of two women are turned upside down. Clare puts everything on line to see her friends, even if her racist husband would “kill” her for that, and Irene feels like she’s loosing her life, her husband.
Irene becomes enraged, jealous, obsessed, she wants Clare away from her life, but she cannot make herself break the bond, she wants it to happen naturally.
I think Irene wanted Clare out, and she could not stand her anymore. She imagined that Clare and her husband started an affair. She wanted to protect her family from Clare, and the unknown of what Clare’s presence in their life could bring. She knew that Clare always went after things she wanted, consequences were no issue to her. Irene had reasons to believe that Clare may ruin her life. However, at the very last moment before Clare fell out the window, or jumped out the window when confronted by her husband, I strongly believe, that Irene’s conscience kicked in. She put aside everything and wanted to protect Clare from her husband instead of pushing her out.
It’s not clear how Clare ended up outside the window, if she took her own life, if it was an accident, or if Irene or her husband had something to do with Clare’s death. Perhaps it was an accident. I think Irene more than anything wanted to protect Clare from her husband, maybe she tried to grab her but instead she pushed her away. I think Irene felt completely devastated and scared, and even mentally unbalanced after the accident, but not because she caused it, but because she was not able to prevent it, and she tried to do it in the apartment, but the whole meeting and confrontation between Clare and her husband would never even happen if Irene would tell her husband and most of all tell Clare about the chance meeting with Clare’s husband. That probably would prevent the tragedy. So in the end Irene had nothing to do with Clare’s death by pushing her out the window, but she created the situation where Clare lost her life.

Smart men less likely than dumb ones to cheat on lovers: study

Smart men less likely than dumb ones to cheat on lovers: study