Why do you think men and women are held to different standards when it comes to sexuality?
Because we let “them” do it to us! But seriously, men and women are different. Men are known as more sexual beings, they start sexual experiences earlier in life (or so we are told), they don’t mind having many sexual partners, they enjoy sex without commitment. Women on the other hand are known to be less sexual (it’s probably not as true as we often hear), for women sex and love go hand in hand, and casual sex is a bigger deal to women than men.
Of course there are examples of men being asexual or less sexual, and of women being sexual predators, but in general women are know to be less sexual, and men are known to be more aggressive when it comes to sex.
Why does the double standard exist? I think it starts early on in childhood. Girls are more shielded and protected from everything, and boys are given more freedom. Also boys are expected to be more aggressive, brave, they are not supposed to show tears. Young girls are expected to be emotional, and cry when they don’t get what they want. They are also expected to be polite, and nice, and agreeable. Boys grow into men, who are sexual beings with little consequences of their actions, and girls grow into women, who are not suppose to get pregnant before they get married. Pregnant girls and young women are very visible, but boys and men, the fathers of the children the pregnant girls and women carry, are relatively untouched by the situation. Teenage pregnancy, and unwanted pregnancy is often seen as the women’s problem. The man can just walk away from it without many consequences.
It would be ideal if men and other women would not judge more sexually free women for being sexual, or over-sexual, or expressive when it comes to their sexuality. It doesn’t happen that way. Women having premarital sex for example, are looked down upon, but for centuries men had premarital sex without consequences other than unexpected pregnancy. Women dating younger men are called cougars, but for centuries men looked for younger partners without having any labels attached. When it comes to casual sex, women are “bad” for doing it, but it’s normal for men to go down that path. Men look at sex as fun, women look at it more like a relationship builder.
Why are we held to different standards? First of all women have a lot to do with it, we let men get away with so much. We often judge other women and their sexuality, but we don’t hold men responsible to the same degree. If women would just stop doing it, our lives would be easier, and we would be able to protect ourselves form being labeled as sluts. As mothers, women should not allow their sons to have sex, if they don’t want their daughters to do the same. Let’s not start to accept that double standard at home already. Let’s be as much tough or as much lenient on our children of both sexes.
Women are more liberated now, especially women living in cities, and women who have equal opportunities to men. Those women push really hard for being recognized as equal to men in all aspects, including sex. A very important thing to add is that as society we should have equal responsibilities for men and women when it comes to parenthood and pregnancy. Especially if parents are not in a relationship. Women should never be put down because they got pregnant, or decided to keep a child, or decided to terminate the pregnancy. Men should be half responsible.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Are class struggles alive and well in the U.S. today?
I am assuming, that since there are social and economic classes in the United States, than there must be some sort of a struggle between them. For sure it’s nothing as severe as during the Industrial Revolution, but the worse the economy gets, the more visible the struggles and general anti-trust between classes gets.
In the U.S. we have the three major classes, the very wealthy, the middle class, and the poor. The middle class is the largest class, and it’s kind of a buffer between the two other classes. In many other countries the middle class either doesn’t exist, or it’s only growing, so the struggles between the rich and the poor are more visible elsewhere.
The United States wants to be seen around the world as the country, which provides for everyone, for all the classes. Our country has an image known to the world, as a place where the poor can become rich, and it takes little to fall from the top. In reality it’s less and less like that. The wealthiest 10% wants to keep as much as possible to themselves, and they will not share. The lobby is very powerful in Washington, and that’s why ordinary people often get fed up with the government, which seems to protect not the needy, but the ones who already have so much. The recent example of a man, who crashed his plane in the IRS building. Not too long ago, we all had our own opinion if the government should bail out the biggest Wall Street banks, but not the people, who were loosing their homes. Previously to that we were appalled by the Bernie Madoff scandal.
The higher the standard of living gets in America, the less struggles we see, the worse the economy is, the more people become angry at the wealthy and the government, because they don’t see an equal division of goods and money between the classes. The wealthy don’t suffer as much in a bad economy, the middle class gets by, but the poor really suffer. The conflict between the Wall Street and the Main Street will always exist.
In the U.S. we have the three major classes, the very wealthy, the middle class, and the poor. The middle class is the largest class, and it’s kind of a buffer between the two other classes. In many other countries the middle class either doesn’t exist, or it’s only growing, so the struggles between the rich and the poor are more visible elsewhere.
The United States wants to be seen around the world as the country, which provides for everyone, for all the classes. Our country has an image known to the world, as a place where the poor can become rich, and it takes little to fall from the top. In reality it’s less and less like that. The wealthiest 10% wants to keep as much as possible to themselves, and they will not share. The lobby is very powerful in Washington, and that’s why ordinary people often get fed up with the government, which seems to protect not the needy, but the ones who already have so much. The recent example of a man, who crashed his plane in the IRS building. Not too long ago, we all had our own opinion if the government should bail out the biggest Wall Street banks, but not the people, who were loosing their homes. Previously to that we were appalled by the Bernie Madoff scandal.
The higher the standard of living gets in America, the less struggles we see, the worse the economy is, the more people become angry at the wealthy and the government, because they don’t see an equal division of goods and money between the classes. The wealthy don’t suffer as much in a bad economy, the middle class gets by, but the poor really suffer. The conflict between the Wall Street and the Main Street will always exist.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Role of women in today's American culture.
I don’t know how this happened, but I made 2 postings on the blog, but I had no idea they were suppose to be on a specific topic.
My ONE free choice qualifies, but the other post does not, as I didn’t write about the role of women in today’s American culture.
So here’s a correct posting:
In my opinion the role of women in today’s American culture has changed in the last decade or so. I don’t live in this country long enough to see the changes over many years, but I definitely see changes for the better. Women used to have very traditional roles, like mothers, wives, cooks, cleaners, etc. Women in wealthy homes did not work outside of the home, poor women if given a chance would be working in factories, or as housekeepers, nannies and so on.
In today’s society and culture American women have many roles. Some do choose to stay home and be mothers and wives, but they are no longer required to have this role only. Women are able to go to school, get education, have careers. Now-a-days men, who earn less then their wives stay home, and take care of the children. It’s becoming more acceptable for men to stay home, and for women, to work outside the home.
Women are able to do the same jobs as men traditionally would do. Women are artists, writers, business owners, doctors, pilots, CEOs, Olympians and they work in all fields and on all levels of career path. On the other hand, there’s still less women doing all those jobs then man, and there are more women living on this planet than men.
Women are becoming equal to men in reality then ever before. We have proven we can do the same jobs just as well. Of course the sexism still exists, and that’s why we don’t see equal numbers of men and women working in certain fields. However, we can see a lot of progress, especially in America. Women’s roles are diverse, and there are many different roles.
My ONE free choice qualifies, but the other post does not, as I didn’t write about the role of women in today’s American culture.
So here’s a correct posting:
In my opinion the role of women in today’s American culture has changed in the last decade or so. I don’t live in this country long enough to see the changes over many years, but I definitely see changes for the better. Women used to have very traditional roles, like mothers, wives, cooks, cleaners, etc. Women in wealthy homes did not work outside of the home, poor women if given a chance would be working in factories, or as housekeepers, nannies and so on.
In today’s society and culture American women have many roles. Some do choose to stay home and be mothers and wives, but they are no longer required to have this role only. Women are able to go to school, get education, have careers. Now-a-days men, who earn less then their wives stay home, and take care of the children. It’s becoming more acceptable for men to stay home, and for women, to work outside the home.
Women are able to do the same jobs as men traditionally would do. Women are artists, writers, business owners, doctors, pilots, CEOs, Olympians and they work in all fields and on all levels of career path. On the other hand, there’s still less women doing all those jobs then man, and there are more women living on this planet than men.
Women are becoming equal to men in reality then ever before. We have proven we can do the same jobs just as well. Of course the sexism still exists, and that’s why we don’t see equal numbers of men and women working in certain fields. However, we can see a lot of progress, especially in America. Women’s roles are diverse, and there are many different roles.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
"Passing" by Nella Larsen
I was not aware of what passing was before I read this story. Now I know that passing takes place when African-American people with light skin pass themselves off as white people, to enjoy the same privileges and rights.
There are two main characters in the story, Irene and Clare. They are both African-American women, who were friends as children, and by chance they meet again as adults.
Irene Redfield is middle-class, married to an African-American doctor, she has 2 sons, and she is of white complexion. She lives in Harlem among other African-Americans, and she does not want to pass for a white woman, as she is proud of her heritage.
Clare Kendry is very light skinned due to the fact that her grandfather was white, and had an illegitimate child with a black woman. Clare, after her father dies, was raised by her white aunts, who were poor, but religious, and felt obligated to raise her, but didn’t want people to know that she was African-American. Clare was always a determined person. She was raised poor, and wanted finer things in life. She does not have a problem passing as a white woman, not only because of her looks, but morally she feels it’s a right thing to do if one wants to get ahead in life. She married a white man, who is a bigot. Her husband talks openly about hating African-Americans, even in a company of three black women, but he’s not able to recognize that. He has no idea his wife is really black, and so is his daughter, at least partially. Clare is a very strong person, who at times is even selfish, it probably comes from her upbringing, because her mother died when she was very young, and her father was a drunk, who died when she was 15 years old.
In this story we are shown two different worlds, one is Clare’s – a world where she “plays” a white woman- and the other world belongs to Irene, who could pass for w white woman as well, but chooses not to, however she sometimes passes when people don’t know her, and when it convenient for her to do so. For example she pretends she’s white when she meets Clare’s husband, and also when she goes to a restaurant to cool off.
In time we learn that Clare wants to be with her own people sometimes, and Irene sometimes passes as a white woman. They both play a double life, as they are not really sure who they are, they could both pass for white women, and in reality they are both African-American women. They are in this gray area, not sure of their identity. No matter which side they choose, they still have problems in their lives, some problems are connected to their heritage, and some are just regular problems people of all colors face.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Chitra Divakaruni, "Sudha's Story", "Nirgis' Toilette", Gouri Mashima", "All in My Head".
I haven't read any poetry in a long time. I used to write poetry as a teenager (who hasn't?), and I had a period in my life, when I liked poetry o lot, but then life happen (real life, as in responsibilities), and I no longer had time for what I liked.
At first I was a bit afraid, that I would read the poems, but not get the meaning. After all, most poems have hidden messages, which regular people often don't get, but this was not the case. I am impressed how Chitra Divakaruni is able to write such magic using plain, easy language. It's not so much the words, but the way she puts them together. Reading the poems I felt like I was there somewhere in the south Asia, hiding and watching all those stories happen in front of me.
In "Sudha's Story" I felt so sorry for the young woman. She is full of life, energetic, a college student, pretty, great dancer. It seems like her life could be any young woman's life, but then she is forced to get married, and it's not what I would call normal or ordinary. I am so upset at her parents for letting her just leave her life behind, and go with this unknown man, who may be rich, or powerful in a way, but he is a stranger. Why don't they get to know him better first? Why don't they have her get to know him? I know, it's the custom. It's still done today. But this is their daughter, full of potential, and they should be in her corner instead of thinking how they can benefit from this. They want people to envy them, but they don't want their child to be happy. I liked one comparison most of all. In the beginning she's dancing, and her braided long her is a symbol of her freedom, and then after she gets married, her husband puts that braid around her neck - like a leash - and tells her, that now she will only dance for him.
The moment she marries this strange man is the moment she has no identity of her own anymore. He's her master, she is nothing more than a slave. I couldn't stand the way he was upset about her being pregnant with a girl. It was his own child, but I guess he was not capable of loving anyone, including his own child.
The Taj Mahal trip was also a big disaster. The place is a symbol of love that never dies. His love for his wife never existed, he liked her looks, the way she danced, like some of us go shopping and pick something they like - an object, a pretty dress. She was an object.
"Nargis' Toilette" - this poem made me think about women, who are made to wear burkahs or who choose to do it, but as the poet says, they look like black candles. There's fire, and life under that thing, but a woman is not able to show it. All women in one way or another take care of themselves, but if you have to cover yourself top to bottom, what's the point of doing it. Let's say you do it for yourself, which in part is true - after all I don't dress and put make up on for other people as much as I do it for me, just to feel well...but on the other hand I don't have to cover myself before I leave the house. This is an issue. I am against women wearing burkahs, but who am I to tell women, who want to do it, that it's wrong, or that they are in a way oppressed. What I found really sad is the part that in a way the young woman is compared to a bird in a mirrored cage. She is also alone in the world, like all the women in her situation. She can count on herself. The family is already working on her arranged marriage. She will see her husband for the first time in a mirror, a day of her wedding. I cannot imagine how it would feel if I would be in her situation. My grandparents had an arranged marriage, and what a disaster that was. My grandma could have said no, but she didn't. They hated each other till the day my grandpa passed away. I cannot imagine living like this, because of family obligations or religion.
"Gouri Mashima" describes a life of a young bride, who if forced to leave her family and to move in with her husband's family. Her life is extremely hard, she is the youngest in the new family, the last to eat, the hardest working. She cannot give her husband children (no matter what the reason is, always the women are blamed), so her status in the family is even lower, she is an outcast. Her life wasn't always like that, she used to have a happy life, playing with her cousins, swimming, just a regular life any kid around the world may have. She is a good person, but the family doesn't "rate her" based on who she is, they look at what she brings to the table in terms of status, or children. She may not have her own children, but how good she takes care of the other children in the family. She can only be happy in her dreams and through the stories she tells the children.
"All in My Head" tells us a story of a mother and a daughter, who sleep in one bed, and are not able to communicate, even if they are close to each other, and care for one another. The mother cries at night, but she never explains to her daughter why. The daughter has a hard time dealing with her mother's cries, to the point, that she hurts herself. One day she decides to ask her mother about this during the day, when they were working together in the kitchen. Her mother gets upset, and explains nothing. The child explains it to herself the only way she can, she thinks she may be imagining things. That also tells the child, that the sexual abuse she sometimes suffers at night may all be in her head. I think the author wants to let the reader know, that a mother's responsibility is to be there for her children, and especially for her daughters. The mother probably cries because she knows the daughter is abused, but she won't help her, explain to her how wrong it is. The daughter goes on assuming it's normal, and a part of her imagination. It will hurt her in a long run. We can assume this.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
" A Room Of One's Own"
Violet Carewicz (Virginia Woolf “A Room Of One’s Own”)
I already posted this on my homework page, but don't mind to share it with the bloggers.
I am amazed at Virginia Woolf. I tried to read " Mrs. Dalloway" many, many years ago. I guess I just was not mature enough to finish. It was hard for me to read it because of a language barrier, but now I will finish the book. I was inspired by Virginia Woolf after watching the move "The Hours". The way she writes, and the movie as well, had this very charming athmosphere. I like reading books that have it in them. I have to feel like I'm there with the characters, just watching them, I have to be able to imagine every character in the book, and the places around them. The same with movies, if they don't have this "something" in them, I don't watch them. I love the movie "Blue"...I will always be impressed by the significance of the blue chandelier.
Virginia Woolf in her essay “ A Room Of It’s Own” writes about inequality between the roles of talented men and women. It’s a problem that is well documented in books through history, from the times of Cleopatra, to the beginning of 20th century, when Woolf is a writer.
Virginia Woolf gives us an example of Shakespeare and his imaginary sister. The “what if” element. Both the brother and the sister are very talented writers and artists, but their lives take them on completely different journeys due to the fact, that one is a man, and the other a woman.
As a man, Shakespeare is free to make his own choices. He’s not forced to live up to his responsibilities. He is free to run away from his problems, and free to run towards his interests.
He moves to London, where he quickly finds work in a theatre, and he becomes a well-known and influential actor and writer.
On the other hand, his imaginary sister, from the moment she’s born, she is denied the same level of education. Her talent doesn’t matter. She’s not able to go after her dreams and desires. She cannot be irresponsible in the name of her wants. Her role is defined as a future wife, mother, and housekeeper. That was the only path she could take. Perhaps she could also become a nun…Even if her family loves her not less then her brother, her parents wouldn’t want her to take on not traditional for women interests. Reading and imagination in women were not something there was time or need for.
When her time to get married comes, she’s expected to go along with her parents’ wishes or she can run away and shame her parents. If she’s really sure that she wants to follow in her brother’s footsteps, she would run away, but it would be a disaster. She would be denied the same things that came so easy to her brother, like education, job, and shelter, even food. Someone would take advantage of her, as she was so young, so desperate, and a woman - she would probably end up dead at a young age.
Two people, a brother, and a sister. Both talented, similar looking, but one a male with the world full of possibilities opens to him, the other a female, with her role already defined for her at her birth.
The other interesting thing Woolf writes about is limited interest in developing real, strong, intereresting women characters in literature. Women are often defined the same way book after book. Either not important characters, or objects of men’s desire. They are not represented as humans with everything that defines that. Men don’t write favorably or in an interesting way about women. Women in fiction like each other either as friends only, or they are jealous of each other. They are shown as simple creatures, mothers, daughters, wives, and they have very traditional relationships with men. But women in real lives have different interests than just domestic ones. In each human being there are both male and female traits waiting to be explored. Each writer should use their feminine and masculine side to develop full and real characters. Maybe writers should be sexless, or maybe they should be both sexes.
For a woman to become a writer is a very difficult thing, it always was that way thru ought the history. Women need money and freedom of their own, which was almost impossible to achieve in Woolf’s times, and long before that.
Virginia Woolf helps me realize something that I learned to live with, because not many women pay attention to this problem. It seems often women are able to just go for what they want in their lives, but it is not so for most women. Some women actually make it to high places, some become known for things they’ve achieved on their own, but many will not be able to live their dreams. I observe women often, and I see that some of my friends, who actually were able to get a college degree, and do what they always wanted, but they paid a high price for that. There’s often a conflict at home with their spouses, who want their wives to be traditional. They want their female partners or wives to go to work, but after work they want them to come home and play a cook, a cleaner, a mommy, a wife, a coordinator for the family. I often get lost in the same thing. I’m working, and I’m going to school at a late age, I have a daughter, who was born ill, and I feel guilty that I don’t have equal time for everyone in my life. My parents get older, and they get sicker, and I’m expected to take care of them, because my brother, who is younger decided to quit his job, and go back to school. He cannot handle work and school, and he doesn’t even have a family of his own. I am expected to be able to handle everything life throws my way, and I make people in my family sad or unhappy when I refuse to put myself second sometimes. On top of that I do feel guilty when I am not a super-woman and can’t make everyone happy and be able to keep up with school and work at the same time.
I already posted this on my homework page, but don't mind to share it with the bloggers.
I am amazed at Virginia Woolf. I tried to read " Mrs. Dalloway" many, many years ago. I guess I just was not mature enough to finish. It was hard for me to read it because of a language barrier, but now I will finish the book. I was inspired by Virginia Woolf after watching the move "The Hours". The way she writes, and the movie as well, had this very charming athmosphere. I like reading books that have it in them. I have to feel like I'm there with the characters, just watching them, I have to be able to imagine every character in the book, and the places around them. The same with movies, if they don't have this "something" in them, I don't watch them. I love the movie "Blue"...I will always be impressed by the significance of the blue chandelier.
Virginia Woolf in her essay “ A Room Of It’s Own” writes about inequality between the roles of talented men and women. It’s a problem that is well documented in books through history, from the times of Cleopatra, to the beginning of 20th century, when Woolf is a writer.
Virginia Woolf gives us an example of Shakespeare and his imaginary sister. The “what if” element. Both the brother and the sister are very talented writers and artists, but their lives take them on completely different journeys due to the fact, that one is a man, and the other a woman.
As a man, Shakespeare is free to make his own choices. He’s not forced to live up to his responsibilities. He is free to run away from his problems, and free to run towards his interests.
He moves to London, where he quickly finds work in a theatre, and he becomes a well-known and influential actor and writer.
On the other hand, his imaginary sister, from the moment she’s born, she is denied the same level of education. Her talent doesn’t matter. She’s not able to go after her dreams and desires. She cannot be irresponsible in the name of her wants. Her role is defined as a future wife, mother, and housekeeper. That was the only path she could take. Perhaps she could also become a nun…Even if her family loves her not less then her brother, her parents wouldn’t want her to take on not traditional for women interests. Reading and imagination in women were not something there was time or need for.
When her time to get married comes, she’s expected to go along with her parents’ wishes or she can run away and shame her parents. If she’s really sure that she wants to follow in her brother’s footsteps, she would run away, but it would be a disaster. She would be denied the same things that came so easy to her brother, like education, job, and shelter, even food. Someone would take advantage of her, as she was so young, so desperate, and a woman - she would probably end up dead at a young age.
Two people, a brother, and a sister. Both talented, similar looking, but one a male with the world full of possibilities opens to him, the other a female, with her role already defined for her at her birth.
The other interesting thing Woolf writes about is limited interest in developing real, strong, intereresting women characters in literature. Women are often defined the same way book after book. Either not important characters, or objects of men’s desire. They are not represented as humans with everything that defines that. Men don’t write favorably or in an interesting way about women. Women in fiction like each other either as friends only, or they are jealous of each other. They are shown as simple creatures, mothers, daughters, wives, and they have very traditional relationships with men. But women in real lives have different interests than just domestic ones. In each human being there are both male and female traits waiting to be explored. Each writer should use their feminine and masculine side to develop full and real characters. Maybe writers should be sexless, or maybe they should be both sexes.
For a woman to become a writer is a very difficult thing, it always was that way thru ought the history. Women need money and freedom of their own, which was almost impossible to achieve in Woolf’s times, and long before that.
Virginia Woolf helps me realize something that I learned to live with, because not many women pay attention to this problem. It seems often women are able to just go for what they want in their lives, but it is not so for most women. Some women actually make it to high places, some become known for things they’ve achieved on their own, but many will not be able to live their dreams. I observe women often, and I see that some of my friends, who actually were able to get a college degree, and do what they always wanted, but they paid a high price for that. There’s often a conflict at home with their spouses, who want their wives to be traditional. They want their female partners or wives to go to work, but after work they want them to come home and play a cook, a cleaner, a mommy, a wife, a coordinator for the family. I often get lost in the same thing. I’m working, and I’m going to school at a late age, I have a daughter, who was born ill, and I feel guilty that I don’t have equal time for everyone in my life. My parents get older, and they get sicker, and I’m expected to take care of them, because my brother, who is younger decided to quit his job, and go back to school. He cannot handle work and school, and he doesn’t even have a family of his own. I am expected to be able to handle everything life throws my way, and I make people in my family sad or unhappy when I refuse to put myself second sometimes. On top of that I do feel guilty when I am not a super-woman and can’t make everyone happy and be able to keep up with school and work at the same time.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
My first post :)
I really waited till the last moment to post something. I got sick over a week ago, and since I don't get sick often, when I get sick, I am all out. I know I'm sick, when my family has time to check on me, and ask me if I'm OK. I guess I don't look so peachy whan I'm sick.
I'm really exited for my Women in Literature class, mostly because I get to do what I like a lot, that is reading and writing. I never have much time for that in my life, so going to school fits in well with my life, and my passion. I used to have a lot of passion for writing when I was young(er). Then we moved to US, and I had to learn a new language, and it's not so easy to write in a new language. The basics I know, it's the "expend my vocabulary" words that I miss a lot. It's hard to remember new words, and to use them in everyday life. Writing is probably even easier than speaking for me. I just communicate a lot better by writing. I have a reputation among my family and friends for being "the crazy leave notes all over" lady. I start my day with a note to my husband, and a note for my daughter. I just want to make sure that we are all on the same page with our busy schedules.
I'm really exited for my Women in Literature class, mostly because I get to do what I like a lot, that is reading and writing. I never have much time for that in my life, so going to school fits in well with my life, and my passion. I used to have a lot of passion for writing when I was young(er). Then we moved to US, and I had to learn a new language, and it's not so easy to write in a new language. The basics I know, it's the "expend my vocabulary" words that I miss a lot. It's hard to remember new words, and to use them in everyday life. Writing is probably even easier than speaking for me. I just communicate a lot better by writing. I have a reputation among my family and friends for being "the crazy leave notes all over" lady. I start my day with a note to my husband, and a note for my daughter. I just want to make sure that we are all on the same page with our busy schedules.
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