Do you think marriage is still needed in today's society?

Marriage may only be needed in today’s society, but for practical reasons. People, who are married often get into this whole messy life situation, where they have no alternatives, or so they think, but to stay married. Often finances dictate that people stay together, especially if there are children involved, and both husband and wife can somehow manage being together without driving each other nuts. I somehow don’t know many examples of people, who are happy in a marriage which has lasted a long time. In a new marriage everything is like gummy bears, sweet and cute, in a marriage that has been around for a long time it is more like a town deserted after a gold-rush. My parents have been married for over 40 years, but it’s like code orange in their home most of the time, especially as they get older, and stay home more often with each other. My grandparents on my dad’s side were married till grandpa passed away, and I have to add that grandma was many years older than grandpa, probably about 10 years older. They actually seemed happy, maybe because grandma was so much older… They talked to each other every night right before they went to sleep, sleeping in two separate beds for comfort, across from each other, and talking to each night as it would be a ritual. After grandpa passed away, and before grandma died, she was able to manage her life pretty good without him, but she seemed a lot less happy. My other grandparents had a disastrous marriage. It was arranged, and my grandma agreed to it, but she never took her children or her husband seriously, she wanted to rule the household, not to be a part of it. That marriage only lasted till her oldest son was about 18, but she left my grandpa without any hesitation, or looking back. She never looked back at what this marriage did to her children. She never took any responsibility for her foolish actions, I am not her child, but I have a lot of resentment because my mother never recovered from her parent’s marriage and separation. None of my grandparent’s children on my mom’s side had good marriages, as none of the children of my other grandparents. As I look at my cousins, married, or not, only one on each side of the family has a normal, healthy relationship/marriage.
That’s why I don’t think marriage is really that needed in today’s society. People, if they care about each other can still have meaningful relationships with each other, they can live together, raise families, build their futures together, support each other, but a piece of paper is not what makes anything work. If a marriage works, the same people would be able to have an equally good relationship without a marriage license. If people are in a bad relationship, a marriage will not save it. Let’s face it, a marriage is a contract. We can all enter into less binding contracts with another person without a judge or a priest telling us to sign on a dotted line. I believe that people who love each other can make a relationship work without a legal contract. All that contract does is restricts people, who are unhappy in their relationship. Men are always able to divorce women, in all countries, and all cultures, but women who are legally married are not always able to get a divorce. In many European countries, it is not popular to get married. People live together, raise families together, but they can always leave. It does not mean that unmarried people would be released from their obligations towards their children, but they would be released from their obligations towards a partner they no longer want to be with. And couples, who decide to live like that know going into a relationship, that each side must be self-sufficient going into relationship, as well as in case the relationship doesn’t work, and they would have to split.
For some people marriage is needed, for others it is not. We as society should be able to understand position of both groups pro and against marriage. Maybe it is time we put less importance on a piece of paper, and more on bettering lives of people who are in abusive relationships.
I am not against marriage, but having been married for 18 years, I think marriage is over-rated, and it is often a fantasy. It is possible to have a strong relationship in a marriage, as well as when people are not married.

Do you see marriage in your future? Why/why not?

Do I see marriage in my future?
For someone who has been married for over 18 years that is since 1992 I definitely have marriage in my life right now, but it is very hard to say what the future might bring.
I got married young; I was a little over 21 when I got married. I moved out of the house when I was 19, because I wanted to get some freedom in my life. I didn’t understand that there’s no freedom in moving from my parents to living with my boyfriend. I never fully understood till I was much older, that for a woman to have a freedom in her life is to be self sufficient, and at 19 I was not self sufficient, but I was not able to live with my over-protecting parents. The next logical (to me at that time) step was to get married. What else was there? I was pregnant, and I thought the right thing to do is to provide a family for my daughter. I got pregnant knowingly, I just thought since I decided not to finish college at that time, I should at least be a mother. Not like I had many career choices lined up, I thought being a mom was a big, bold, and brave step up. I was ready to be a mom, I was sure I would be an OK mother. I was not mistaken in that. My daughter is 17 now, and she is a great person, I really love her, even if she is giving me a taste of my own medicine right now. I was probably terrible at her age myself. Of course in the eyes of a teenager it all looks different. I did well as a mom, we are very close as a mother and a daughter, even closer than most parents and children are, because she was born with Tuberous Sclerosis Complex, and I knowingly decided not to have other children.
I know for sure, that if I would not marry, my relationship would end quickly. I am not a type of a person, who puts up with other people’s immaturity, or luck of commitment. I require a 100 %, because I am giving a 100%. However, if you are not married, you have no rights to request from another person to commit to you, and to become mature in the light of life changing circumstances. My life was changing, I was pregnant, my partner was 4 years older, but not even close in maturity level. I think it hits him now, when he’s almost 44. On the other hand, the closest I get to 40, the more I feel I want to go back in time and experience everything in life that I missed by being in a committed relationship since 1991.
If I would have know then what I know now, my life would be different, but I hate living with regrets. I think I should honor my previous decisions, and accept them fully. One never knows if the decision you make today would still be as good in 20 years. Chances are it will not be.
Knowing now, what I didn’t know then, I think I probably would not get married at 21, I would not have a child at 22, and would not be in college at 39. I would mix this a little bit, and I would most definitely finish school first, so I could take care of myself always and forever, no matter how the rest of my life would go.
Marriage is not for everyone, being married for so long I probably would be lost if I would become single now. It would be very difficult for me to get used to the idea, that there’s no other person I can count on, or ask what to do. My husband probably would say that I never ask, I just notify. I complain to myself a lot about being married, and it’s not even the fact that I am married, it’s that after almost two decades we have been through it all, we are good friends, we need each other, we co-parent, but we grew apart. Many difficult obstacles have made us different, more resilient on one hand, but more alone on the other hand. We became like two friends, who live together, but deep down they wish for something else. Neither of us says it unless we are angry with each other. Many times I have considered ending this relationship, but I don’t think I could hurt another person like that. Unless my husband would want the same. Neither of us is willing to take a drastic step, but at the same time I think that maybe we don’t need to change anything. Maybe it is good as it is. He has his life, I have mine, and we have our life together as a family. Maybe there’s nothing out there. If there would be something different waiting for us, wouldn’t everyone know about it already? In life we may never marry, or we may marry only once, or we may have several spouses, but I think history just keeps on repeating itself no matter which path we are on. If we never married, maybe that’s what works for us, and if we are married once, maybe we should just stay together if it is a good relationship, or for those of us who keep on changing spouses, we just need some variety, and it will never end - a partner followed by another partner, and another, but we never fully understand why we can’t just find the right person, just one person. Maybe there’s not just one person. I know my opinion of marriage may not be very popular, but having so many years of experience I think I speak the truth, my truth.

Feminine or powerful.

Can women achieve balance of being perceived as both powerful and feminine in today’s society, or are those images mutually exclusive?

I think the balance of being perceived as both powerful and feminine in today’s society is achieved, but rarely seen on day to day basis, especially if you are not a high ranked player in the business world.
I consider myself feminine, but every time I have to be strong to achieve something, I notice that my feminine side just shuts off. I concentrate more on the power struggle than on anything else. I don’t know how to be both feminine and powerful at the same time; I’m either one or the other based on a situation. Being feminine often means knowing one’s place, keeping quiet, speaking softly, dressing flowy, and not being very opinionated.
Being a woman in a power position means being tough, laud, dressed for success, not to show any attributes of a female body. I probably like a mix of both worlds. I like being a woman, but I don’t like being weak. I wish I could connect my both sides, and really not care what others read into this.
My best friend is a symbol of joining both power and femininity. She has a well established business career, and she is probably the strongest woman I know. She says the same about me, because while she is climbing the business ladder, I fight with my daughter’s illness, Tuberous Sclerosis Complex. My friend does not care what others think about her. She’s always herself. She will not tell anyone something just because they want to hear it. She will tell them the truth even if they don’t like that. She always wants to be heard, and then seen. She does not believe in slaving at home on the weekends, or catching up with the chores. It drives her husband, the perfectionist, crazy. She travels a lot for business, and her husband is left home with their 8 year old daughter. He calls her to ask what he should dress Alex in, but Suzie, my friend, tells him to decide. I in the same situation would give my husband point by point directions how to get from point a to point b, till my daughter would be dressed for all weather changes.
My friend likes short hair, she likes pants, she likes to be elegant, but when she is working she may be the best looking girl in the room, as well as the toughest player.
She enjoys cooking, but it’s her hobby, not something she has to do, it’s the only way to enjoy it. She is a product of a strong mother, who just like my friend never second guessed her decisions. In my opinion Sue is a perfect example of a powerful, but still feminine woman.

Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou

I chose Maya Angelou for my presentation by chance. My first choice was Virginia Woolf, simply because I already knew so much about her. I thought as a woman, and a writer she was remarkable.

However, things in life sometimes work against me in one way or another. I was accepted as a fourth member of another group, which already decided to focus on Maya Angelou. I knew just a bit about her. Of course she’s a living person, so I have seen her on TV several times. I have seen her deliver one of her poems for President Clinton’s inauguration. I just didn’t know much about her. After reading her short bio, I decided that by chance this was a great choice for our presentation, because she is also a remarkable woman with a life to die for. Truly a pleasure to learn more about her.